Some renters may claim that their landlord is a monster. Some landlords may be pretty monstrous in how they deal with their buildings. But with Halloween around the corner we got to wondering what famous monsters of legend would be like if they decided to get into the property management business. The more we thought it over, the more we wondered if vampires, werewolves and zombies really are among us, collecting rent every month! Check out our list to see what we mean.
Vampire
In legend, the vampire is undead, charming and wealthy, it survives on the blood of the living to prolong its life. As a landlord, the vampire has an attractive and well-appointed large apartment complex. He advertises an extremely low rent, but once you move in you realize that there's a fee to use the laundry, a fee for the parking permit, a fee for the health club, a fee for utility service, and a fee for any sort of internet above basic dial up service.
Mummy
The mummy of legend is feared not so much as a monster, but for the "curse of the Pharaohs" which follows anyone who opens its tomb and supposedly dooms them to an early death. A mummy's building is old and antiquated, seemingly undisturbed or renovated for centuries. It is rife with mold and dust that will follow the renters in the form of respiratory ailments for months after they move out.
Werewolf
A werewolf seems like a normal person, but under the full moon they turn into a vicious beast. Your werewolf landlord will also seem relatively harmless until it comes time for you to pay the rent. Then they will pursue you like a hunting wolf, lurking at your front door until you pay them. In cash.
Zombie
The shambling, stumbling, occasionally walking dead are very popular in modern media right now. Appearing in frightening hordes, they are prime horror movie fodder. (They're also pretty awesome dancers.) Bereft of coherent thought, they can only mutter "braaaaains" as they chase you. Zombies are rarely landlords themselves. Rather, they are the building superintendents who can do nothing unless commanded by the wizard who controls them. Their only answer to broken things in your apartment is taaaape. Duct taaaaaape.
Dr. Frankenstein
A mad scientist who disregarded all cultural taboos in pursuit of his scientific goals, Dr. Frankenstein isolated himself in his workshop, working with relentless ambition to create life. His creation, Frankenstein's monster, turns out to be a hideously deformed monstrosity. Renting in Dr. Frankenstein's building is a huge risk. He avoids using licensed contractors and scoffs at building codes, preferring instead to repair broken items and "improve" things like wiring and plumbing using a combination of Youtube videos and advice from home improvement books.
Killer Clown
Before 2016, killer clowns were mostly (with a few exceptions) a creation of pop culture. He is a smiling, happy character who hides a psychopathic personality disorder under his makeup. A killer clown will rarely own an entire apartment building. Rather, he is the innocuous seeming roommate that you find on Craigslist. He's a fine upstanding citizen, beloved by the landlord and well-known in the neighborhood. Once you move in with him you discover that he's completely unhinged, flying off the handle at the slightest provocation.
Dragon
Many heroes have died trying to part the dragon from its legendary hoard of gold and jewels. Quiet unless provoked, the dragon will put up a ferocious battle to defend its wealth. Similarly, the renter who lives in a dragon's building will find him quite pleasant until it comes time to get back his security deposit. The dragon landlord sits on a vast treasure of unreturned deposits and can only be thwarted by a lawyer in shining armor who's willing to take him down in court.
Minotaur
In myths, the minotaur guarded a twisting maze in which heroes would wander until they were eventually found and eaten. The lease of a minotaur landlord is similarly complicated, full of dense legal terminology that no mere mortal could hope to understand. Proceed only with caution and the advice of a lawyer, unless you want to wind up trapped in an auto-renewing contract full of peculiar clauses and strict rules.
Hydra
The Hydra of legend was a serpent with many heads. Its poisonous breath killed any that came near it. Every time you cut off one of its heads, several more grew back to replace it. Trying to get anything repaired when you live in a building managed by the hydra is nearly impossible. Every time you call the office you are connected to a different person. Every person will give you a different answer. Every time you try to forge a working relationship with one of their maintenance staff, he is fired and replaced with someone new. Even if you manage to reach the owner, they will forward you back to the management.
Onryo
This ghost from Japanese legends died tragically and returns for vengeance against those who wronged the in life. The curse affects not only their killer, but will follow those who live in the same house where they died. Those who live in the building owned by an Onryo landlord had best make sure their rent is paid and the apartment is left in good shape. Otherwise the onryo will follow them, wreaking havoc on their credit report, garnishing their wages, and staining their reputation for years to come.
Do you recognize your landlord in any of these monsters? Can you think of any other villains from horror movies that remind you of your property manager? Let us know in the comments, and happy Halloween!
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