Stores might not create a holiday aisle for apartment hunting, and they certainly do not offer a selection of candy in grey and tan wrappers to accompany the process, but they certainly should. After all, apartment hunting is basically Halloween for adults. (In fact, if you treat it that way it might be a lot more pleasant for you.) Don't believe me? Here's 20 ways that the two are similar.
Halloween: Parade between houses owned by other people.
Apartments: Parade between apartment buildings owned by other people.
Halloween: Upon arriving, use coded phrases that you never would say otherwise, such as "trick or treat" and "I am a Snorlax."
Apartments: Upon arriving, use coded phrases that you never would say otherwise, such as "crown moldings" and "rent to income ratio."
Halloween: Visit as many homes as possible one night.
Apartments: Visit as many apartments as possible in about a week.
Halloween: Little kids are usually accompanied by an adult chaperone.
Apartments: Novice apartment hunters are usually accompanied by a leasing agent.
Halloween: You target a specific neighborhood that is well lit, with nice houses and no sex offenders.
Apartments: Ditto.
Halloween: If you really want to find a block that gives out awesome candy, you go out to the suburbs.
Apartments: If you really want to find a neighborhood with good public schools, you go out to the suburbs.
Halloween: Failure to be cautious could mean you wind up trapped in the basement of a random psycho.
Apartments: Ditto.
Halloween: Some folks plan for months for Halloween, other people just wing it with a bedsheet and a pillowcase.
Apartments: Some folks meticulously plan out their apartment search, other people just take the first place the find with walls and a floor.
Halloween: Everyone starts trick or treating much earlier than you remember from when you were a kid. If you show up after dark, everyone's already out of candy.
Apartments: Everyone starts apartment hunting much earlier than you remember from last time. If you start looking less than a month in advance all the good apartments are already taken.
Halloween: If the owner of the house approves of your costume, you get candy.
Apartments: If the owner of the apartment approves of your ability to code switch, you get housing.
Halloween: If you fail to conform to expected behaviors derived from antiquated pagan traditions you will not get very much candy.
Apartments: If you fail to conform to expected behaviors derived from antiquated puritanical morality you will not get approved for an apartment.
Halloween: Everyone mobs the house of the people that extravagantly give out full size candy bars.
Apartments: Everyone mobs the buildings of landlords that extravagantly install in-unit laundry.
Halloween: You usually walk away with a bunch of small bits of candy in glossy wrappers, most of which will wind up crumpled in the back seat of your car for the next six months.
Apartments: You usually walk away with a bunch of small glossy flyers in a folder, most of which will wind up crumpled in the back seat of your car for the next six months.
Halloween: Beforehand you expect to come away with a ton of chocolate and full size candy but you wind up with a bag full of "Good & Plenty" boxes and an apple.
Apartments: Beforehand you expect to find a plush 3 bedroom loft condo in a South Loop high rise but you wind up living in a tiny studio in Rogers Park.
Halloween: If the owner fails to give you candy, you come back later and egg his car.
Apartments: If the landlord fails to rent to you, you come back later and sue them for discrimination.
Halloween: You smile and nod at the guy who give out toothbrushes and then grumble as you walk away. You might also TP his house later.
Apartments: You smile and nod at the guy with the stinky basic basement apartment that was advertised as a "garden unit," then grumble as you walk away. You might also leave a nasty Yelp review later.
Halloween: The candy always looks much better than it tastes.
Apartments: The photos in the ads always look much better than the actual apartment.
Halloween: You know that there must be some folks out there who buy those "sexy nurse/witch/pirate/Snorlax" costumes but can't fathom who would do that.
Apartments: You know that there must be some folks out there who try to exchange sex for rent but can't fathom who would do that.
Halloween: You spend the next week stuffing your face with candy and feeling slightly ill from all the sugar.
Apartments: You spend the next 3 weeks stuffing packing boxes and feeling slightly ill from all the heavy lifting.
Halloween: Frugal folks know to wait until November 1 to buy candy on clearance. The post-season selection is usually picked over but it's also a lot cheaper.
Apartments: Frugal renters know to wait until November 1 to move. The post-season selection is usually picked over but it's also a lot cheaper.
Can you think of more ways that the two are similar? Add yours in the comments!
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